Author Archives: admin
Diet Burger
About a month ago at work, I put Hugo on a very strict diet. Knowing that he cannot be trusted, I decided to check on him after the lunch rush. There are many items that he’s allowed to eat, unfortunately … Continue reading
Filet Mignon
Yesterday at work, I decided to teach a human anatomy class with Hugo as my subject. While most people are comprised of organs, Hugo is comprised of tortillas. Being the pervert that he is, he couldn’t help but refer to … Continue reading
Cabeza de Mierda
The other day at work, I noticed Hugo was not wearing his standard-issue bandanna. Instead, he had replaced it with some sort of makeshift diaper. I fear that his newfound celebrity has warped his fashion sense.
Professor Hugo
The other day at work, I found out that Hugo is really a hipster at heart. He decided to lose the contacts and kick it old school with some rad bifocals. He has a masters in dishwashing, and a doctorate … Continue reading
Hola Gringas
It’s no surprise that Hugo has plenty of female fans, so he thought it’d be nice to say hello to all of them. It’s unfortunate that his giant ego got in the way, because if not, maybe he would’ve been … Continue reading
Hot Air Balloon
Yesterday at work, Hugo, like usual, was in the kitchen doing absolutely no work. Instead, he was telling jokes to the rest of the staff. When I showed up, he told me a different joke: It was about his stomach … Continue reading
Kung Fu Hugo
Today at work, I noticed Hugo was balancing in a very dangerous position. Concerned for his safety, as per usual, I shook his leg to make sure that he was sturdy. He confidently told me that he was like “Spider-Man.” … Continue reading
Hugo El Easter Bunnyo
Since I was off on Easter Sunday, I decided to bring some holiday cheer into work on Monday. Instead of delivering plates to Hugo by hand, I carried them to the back in this fashionable Easter basket… I was shocked … Continue reading
El Sparo Tire
Today at work, and like everyday at work, I caught Hugo “snacking” in the kitchen. As I pointed out his “problem areas,” I noticed that Hugo’s waist line is the epitome of a “spare tire.” To my dismay, he seemed … Continue reading
Platos No Bueno
Today at work, I heard a loud crashing noise in the kitchen. I tried to cough loudly so my customers would not notice, but when they asked what just happened, I was forced to investigate. It was no surprised to … Continue reading
Hugo El Leprechauno
Luckily on St. Patrick’s Day, I did not have to work. Unfortunately, Hugo had no such luck. Even though Cinco de Mayo is more his style, he still showed up glowing with holiday spirit.
Hugo El Narco
Everyday at work, Hugo goes into the back alley to throw away empty produce boxes. And everyday, to ensure the safety of our guests, I lock the door behind him. Hugo uses his quick wit and boyish charm in an … Continue reading
Baboso Famoso
Today at work, I saw Hugo doing some prep work in the back. As usual, concerned for his health, I commented on how “tortillas tend to become lodged in the stomach region.” Hugo ignored my advice and retaliated by calling … Continue reading
Hugo El Baker
A few months ago at work, I showed up in the morning only to discover a new display full of pastries. I was excited to find out that if anything was leftover by the end of the day, we could … Continue reading
Wet Zapatos
A few days ago at work, I noticed Hugo’s shoes were dirty. Being the amigo that I am, I took it upon myself to help clean them. Hugo was bit ungrateful, to say the least.
Chilaquiles Por Gordo
Today at work, I saw Hugo eating something very familiar. After I explained to him that eating “Huevos Rancheros” everyday will not help him lose weight, he explained to me that “Chilaquiles” is not the same thing. After further inspection, … Continue reading
Free Trabajo
Today at work, a customer dropped a coffee press on the ground. Since I don’t know how to use a mop, it was a good thing Hugo got to work early and saved the day. Unlike all Americans, Hugo the … Continue reading
No Dinero
Today at work, it was expectedly slow because every deadbeat in LA, myself included, is broke the day after rent’s due and can’t afford to eat anything other than canned tuna. I told Hugo that I only had $4 left … Continue reading
El Onionos Ringos
The other day at work, we had a photographer come in to take pictures of our food for a magazine. This was a very auspicious day because we got to eat all of the food afterwards. There were ribs, pastas, … Continue reading
Batter Up
Today at work, I saw Hugo preparing cornbread batter in the kitchen. I threatened to contaminate it but hovering my hand above the mixture. Before I realized it was actually just leftover batter, Hugo had already smashed my hand into … Continue reading
Ice Ice Hugo
Everyday at work, Hugo leaves his designated dishwashing area and comes out front to get ice. He uses this ice to chill certain foods that he has prepped. Since his time is precious, I try my best to help him … Continue reading
Huevos Rancheros
Yesterday at work, I saw Hugo chopping peppers in the back. I decided to be courteous and ask him if wanted anything to drink. Expectedly, he did. You know the saying: “Only in America does someone order a Big Mac, … Continue reading
El Guapo Fuerte
A few months ago, a lady friend of mine sent me a very nice picture of herself. I respected her discretion the best I could, but of course I had to show Hugo. He was very grateful and wanted to … Continue reading
Dedos Locos
Everyday at work, Hugo and I say hello by giving each other the middle finger. When this ritual first began, I noticed his was a bit crooked. He explained to me that he slammed a window on a few of … Continue reading
Good Morning, Puto.
Everybody has a routine that helps get them through the day; I am no different.
El Puerco Chismoso
About a month ago at work, the lady next door dropped off a box of donuts for the kitchen staff. Naturally, I wanted to try all of the donuts. But being the unselfish person that I am, I did not … Continue reading